Willingness to change

"I hereby revoke the privilege pass given to self to do anything I want to do"...this was a powerful message received yesterday from a spiritual mentor.  It was a message of awareness of the fact that there were areas in my life where I could change for my betterment.  Though the message of change I received yesterday was a blanket one...applicable to all areas of life, now, I will apply it to food choices. 

For years, I gave myself permission to eat whatever and whenever I wanted.  I abused food (abuse is use of anything outside of it's intented purpose) when I ate for any reason other than need for nourishment.  I still must be alert as to how I am using food...today, I have accountability with what I place in my mouth.  I have a food sponsor who is willing to read over my emailed food choices (he knows what decisions I have made as far was what ingredients are toxic to my body).  I eat six small meals/snacks a day (goal is no more than 250-300 calories at each meal/snack).  I alternate between sweet snacks and non-sweet snacks (helps to keep balanced with amount of sweet foods...even when they are healthy for my body). 

Today, my meal plan is vegan (free of meats or dairy products); my meals are free from foods that cause crave in my body: white sugar, flour, white rice, breads (I have replacement foods like agave/100 % vegetable glycerin, sprouted/seed crackers/breads instead of traditional ones). This is what has worked for me.  It has taken almost eight years for me to get to this place of yielding to God's will for my food plan.  Healing from food addition is a process...a series of heathy actions due to new awareness over a course of time.

Are you willing to change today? Name one action you are willing to take for today? At the end of this day, I encourage you to journal about this change you took today: what emotions came up...how did you feel; did you notice anything different?  Then, share with a compassionate person who will be loving and kind as you speak from your heart...

Cleaning the House of (Mind and Heart)

Trust God; Clean House ; Live in Service is a common chant in the rooms of 12 Step recovery; these are also themes in religious services.  For me, they are in order of importance...building a trusting relationship with God is first for me; without this corner stone to my existence, I cannot be healthy in mind, soul, body; service to others allows me to give to that which was given to me...resulting in perpetuated healing as I allow God to pass on the blessing of recovery from food obsession.  For now, cleaning the house of the mind and heart is what I'll expand upon today.

For me, cleaning the house of the mind/heart is vital to my recovery from compulsive eating.  It entails daily self-reflection...not in a condemning way, but in a way conducive to awareness of my current healthy and unhealthy thoughts and action; so, that choice to change is available (awareness is necessary before change can happen).

 Going to church for many years, helped me to gain morality, understanding of what was healthy behavior according to the God of my understanding.  Being free from gluttony was one healthy behavior found in the Holy Pages...but I never got instruction on how to do that other than just don't do it...well, it wasn't that easy for me.  I needed the structure of a 12 step program thru which God held my hand as I worked the 12 steps with a sponsor and heard other's stories of recovery for hope as I walked an uncertain terrain of action/change. 

In the mist of the above, my thoughts were change/cleansed as I became aware of the unhealthy and practiced the healthy opposite.  Self-reflection as I work the steps and practice confession/rigorous honesty with trusted people in my life who will not shame me for being human; people who, themselves practice confession/rigorous honesty with themselves.  Additionally, I also attend support group meetings where people share honesty about how God is helping them to keep healthy in mind...free from negativity, self-pity and the other negative emotions which pave a path to addictive behavior and maladjustment to life.  Together with God and others, recovery from compulsive eating is possible.

Are you willing to connect with a group of people who can help you with to clean the house?

Gift of Support

For almost four years, all went well with my food program...then, like a bandit, challenges swooped in as I began to condone "sloppy" eating like larger portion sizes and random eating in-between meals.   God, my superhero, came to my rescue; bringing information I needed to hear...that I needed to consider having a food sponsor...an accountability partner with my food.  Once upon a time I recoiled from this very thought, "Why do I need some food hitler to tell me what to eat!!" is what I used to think...(I see anxiety around authority figure abusing power or weakness; a valid threat when I was a child, but no longer...I can set healthy boundary today).

Well, I've had a food sponsor for a few weeks now and it's been marvelous.  I keep track of my food throughout the day on my iPhone and then I email the roster to him at night.  There were times when I thought of popping a random piece of food in my mouth in-between meals, but thought, "oh, I'd have to record that" and then I chose not to...it is helping me to become more aware than ever of what I  place in my mouth. And the support from another caring person is magnificent!

What support do you need? Are you willing to give yourself this gift...

Food used as "uppers" and "downers"...tapping into the internal drug house

Tapping into the "internal drug house" is what I did with foods. Now, you may be wondering, "what the heck does that mean???".  For me that equates to using foods to balance emotions by way of naturally occurring hormones in my body.  So, for example, when I was anxious about something, I would go to unhealthy fats in fast foods, etc as "downer hormones" to conjure up an artifical feeling of peace; on the flip side, if I felt saddened, I would go to sugary foods and drinks to tap into "upper hormones" to get an artificial high...all in an effort to numb-out to emotions felt.  I felt so alone and unable to handle the stresses of life...so I used food to numb the pain and suffering...a major issue of my past was staying closed away inside myself; feeling as if I had to handle challenge and stress alone.

Today, I practice courage with the help of my God and various support groups.  And there was a time when I utilized a professional's help; courage to face challenges steers me through life's rough waters...I don't have to be alone...

Notice your eating patterns and emotions...when do you tend to eat fatty foods? when do you tend to eat sugary foods...are you using food to numb out emotions?

Food is nourishment

Would you believe me if I told you that I haven't turned on a television in my home for three years...well, it's truth.  I learned that the average person views anywhere from 3,000 to 4, 000 advertised message a day!!  Now, don't get me wrong, there's a need for some advertising...how else would we learn of products and services we need to help live a quality life...but in my opinion there's overkill on the advertising...and advertising that unjustly uses shame and fear and pursuit of happiness as motivators.

I remember when I was opening eyes to awareness during my journey back to a healthy body size.  I gorged myself on television.  I could sing jingles (even some of them from childhood are still embossed in memory) of those seen frequently.  But, one day, I became aware of something...the impact of these seemingly harmless messages...particularly with food advertising.  One day, as I viewed  a restaurant commercial...as I watched people smiling and laughing as they ate this food on a table before them; I said, out loud, "Boy, they're having fun with that food".  As I heard those words roll over the threshold of my lips, I was shocked at the twisted logic....food was not fun...how did I ever get that notion; fun and happiness, for me,  comes from engaging relationships and having life enhancing experiences...not from eating.  Food is nourishment...plain and simple for me...it is fuel for my livelihood when I choose purposely...when I choose nutrient rich food.

From that point on, I decided to back away from television.  I watch it occasionally when working out at the gym or at family or friends homes...but not in my home and sparingly. I saw subconscious reasoning that added logs to the burning flame of compulsive eating in my life...I had been influenced to accept the faulty belief that food would add joy and happiness into my life...but it was the exact opposite...the more food I ate trying to get emotional needs met, the more miserable I became...thankful for freedom from the fallacy today...

How does the media influence your eating patterns? Is it time for a television fast.....

P.S. There's a reason why you see extreme close ups of steaming foods, etc...it enhances the appetite...there's a reason why certain colors like red and yellow are used in food advertising...I encourage you to search it out "influence of food advertising on eating patterns" on the Internet....

PAUSING ON BLOGGING...WHAT ARE THOSE ADS IN MY BLOGGS...

Hi all...please disregard those ads in my blog...I did not knowingly give permission for them to be posted there...

Life is not a Disney movie...

...so, I shared last time challenges that God walked me through...sometimes life is going to be challenging...it was foretold:

John 16:33- I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.


Knowing this doesn't make challenges easier for me, but it does add purpose to them.  When I am "going through" or "earning my victory badge" I can look for the lesson by rising above the circumstances: how have I grown? how could I grow? what's being revealed through this challenge...truth is revealed in the mist of walking on hot coals of life.

I remember a time when I was in total rejection of the fact that life was not suppose to be perfect...when "stuff" happened, I reacted in conditioned fear (conditioned that I could not handle challenges in life...true, but today I have God, the Power of this Universe on my side..leading, instructing and guiding me) by cramming numbing foods like processed sugars and fats down my throat to not feel the pain of uncertainty...the pain from a perceived impending death of some sort...

AA's Big Book  (p. 416) says that "...acceptance is the answer to all my problems TODAY"...if I accept whatever happened as something I can't change since I can't change the past; I can allow God to help me through the aftermath; knowing that whatever the enemy meant for destruction will be converted into a purposeful experience (and I can trust God with the "how" on that one :),

This morning after reading "Jesus Calling" (from today's date 2/1), attending a Christian Food recovery meeting on Joyce Meyer's book, "Battle Field of the Mind", God shared insight with me as I journaled these affirming words from God's heart to mine:

"...so, "no", life is not a Disney movie...there will be trouble/pain...expected it so that it will not shock you...know that I am here and that I have overcome any adversity that could ever raise it's head to conciousness in your life...and I have PRE-pared a way out...a way thru...hold my hand...remembering that I (circled) have overcome the world's troubles; and I (circled) know the way which you should go; so, I (circled) will lead you to victory thru a terain filled with landmines; with me you have victory"

Instead of running away from challengs of life, are you willing to allow God to walk yto victory?